[ If Nathan were capable of perfect hindsight and perfect clarity about his own actions, he would know that his own love even apart from the wrongness they both perceived what with it being incest and, well, him getting so forceful that one time was also a twisted love, born out of necessity and jealousy. The need to have something or someone you could project genuine feelings onto without it feeling conflicted, or without the feelings not being welcomed back. With the absence of emotional connection in his own life, it was probably inevitable.
But Nathan doesn't have perfect clarity, and so the love he remembers was a pure one, one which had grown out out of adversity, yes, but it had also been the only great thing in his life during a dark period of it. And with the distance came a nostalgia which only made it seem stronger, more pure. With the distance came the knowledge of how fucked up he was with his kinks and a self-awareness that he didn't commit anywhere else because he needed her. He needed her, and he had ruined her and ... and he thought he would be okay with just being a family again but id he?
Is he really?
Nathaniel was a man who could see the depth and complexity in the world, yes, but he was also a man very prone to seeing things through a lens of right and wrong and that lens only became more narrow and more childish the more he was brought back into that nostalgic, beautiful, awful, terrible, inhumane past that his sister and him shared and right now with so many thoughts echoing around in his head, he can't help but think-
Why did they waste so much time? ]
B-but you know now. You know now-
[ He's not taking her advice, and he does still have issues. He's not had an attack in a long while now, but the inhaler is still in his man-purse thing. But - oh. Okay, he - ]
So now---
[ Now what, what was he even digging at? (he's making such an ass of himself, he knows he is, his breath is getting shorter -) ]
wow I nodded off. But yeah tell me if/when you think is good.
But Nathan doesn't have perfect clarity, and so the love he remembers was a pure one, one which had grown out out of adversity, yes, but it had also been the only great thing in his life during a dark period of it. And with the distance came a nostalgia which only made it seem stronger, more pure. With the distance came the knowledge of how fucked up he was with his kinks and a self-awareness that he didn't commit anywhere else because he needed her. He needed her, and he had ruined her and ... and he thought he would be okay with just being a family again but id he?
Is he really?
Nathaniel was a man who could see the depth and complexity in the world, yes, but he was also a man very prone to seeing things through a lens of right and wrong and that lens only became more narrow and more childish the more he was brought back into that nostalgic, beautiful, awful, terrible, inhumane past that his sister and him shared and right now with so many thoughts echoing around in his head, he can't help but think-
Why did they waste so much time? ]
B-but you know now. You know now-
[ He's not taking her advice, and he does still have issues. He's not had an attack in a long while now, but the inhaler is still in his man-purse thing. But - oh. Okay, he - ]
So now---
[ Now what, what was he even digging at? (he's making such an ass of himself, he knows he is, his breath is getting shorter -) ]