masanari | [Futurelandia] The Wonderful Christmas (and maybe into New Years stuff too)

[Futurelandia] The Wonderful Christmas (and maybe into New Years stuff too)

[ Their pack's Christmas tended to be one which was full and chaotic, despite the fact that there were increasingly less children in the house as Yamato and Junko (and yes, Koji too) all grew to maturity. In some ways, this was actually more "kids" than had been in the house for it than in a long time, what with their new additions.

Still: Masaomi, Nariko, Ada, Sullivan, Emily, Octavio, Tom, Yamato, Junko, Koji, Veronica, and Audrey - Twelve people with at least one gift for everyone else, often times more in the case of those who were more generous or had deeper pockets or more to impress others with. The sheer number (even if it had grown over time) is probably what prompted them to set up a grate tree in one of the living room spaces which was probably meant to be a formal dining room and then lay out all the presents from everyone wrapped up under it andt hen sprawled out for a wide area around it all. There's chairs set up in a circle around the room to give everyone room to sit and the first one there (Which if, of course, Masaomi) brought bags for the wrapping paper to go into a recycle.

Also Masaomi has on a santa hat and a fake beard. Both of which Ada picked out years ago, and he wears mostly out of tradition. It's similarly out of tradition that he got up at the ass crack of dawn to sit in the room and eat some rice before anyone else got up, wait for them all to filter on in here usually starting with Ada or Sullivan or in recent years his eldest son so people can start to make breakfast and be ready. But either way, breakfast and present opening in the morning! A white elephant gift exchange game in the afternoon! A big dinner in the evening!

Christmas is a time of togetherness, where there has to be some structure, but there's a lot which can happen beyond all that and often did. Movies watched, songs sung, and even if this year of different and strange for a variety of reasons... well. It was still their day, and everyone would enjoy it. ]

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[ Oh no, oh no no no he did not start this off just to get no answer! So he pulls his tongue back from her, and he shoots back at her- ]

I-- I don't know! You didn't tell me what it was! We were talking about Joshua-san and then you clammed up a little!

[ He lingers there, close to her but not quite going back to it yet, panting. He... They need satisfaction, okay, ]

[They've kind of hit an interesting situation here. While she was definitely unfair to use her scent against him he can't possibly expect her to vocalize a fully formed set of thoughts while she's on the verge of cumming! ... Yes he can. Because this is Masaomi she's considering. The sound she lets out is a pure growl of frustration, the sort of long forgotten noise, so old that he might not remember it from her Alpha days. The only way she'll get it out is to push him back a little, it's only to create space between them, in the end and she needs it to be able to think.]

I - [She doesn't want to talk about this. It's not as simple as a mindless doubt or a concern over the openness of their relationship. It's really a lot worse than that, and she's almost entirely sure that Masaomi can't help her with it.]

... I was going to ask you to run away with me. [As he'd mentioned before - just leaving the kids and the house, all of that behind out of nowhere.]

[ Oh, that's... It's a combination of the shift in her scent and the growl from her and the words themselves, that he ends up feeling a huge wave of something wash over him. And it's as much instinct as anything else that, when confronted with her using up more of her alpha potential, that he shoots back with his own sort of hissing noise through his teeth.

Still, that's - ]

That's a romantic thought, Nariko.

[ But it's not something they're going to do, not now. And more to the point - ] Why now?

[While it's notable that, in that moment, when she's relying on that buried instinct to carry her through this, to make sure that she doesn't lose her nerve and tells him the whole thing, she doesn't feel any need to back down to his response, that's not the point. The point is that it's something she has to use, a means to an end, because of course he would think it was romantic.]

It's not romantic! It's selfish! I don't want it to be 'maybe, statistically'! I don't want to be common to you! I don't want everyone to always be able to have you and take you away from me, either! I want to be special!

[Even if it was something as stupid and petty as being considered the most durable, or having some stupid idyllic house that encapsulated a lifestyle he'd never want, or getting him to leave the whole pack and family he put his all into just so that he wouldn't have a reason to think of anyone but her ... That's pretty fucked up. That's not anything wrong with him, or anything he's doing. That's Nariko not feeling like a good enough excuse of a person, and trying to fix it.

And making her soulmate feel like shit in the process. She knew that.]

But I know I am! You wouldn't have gone through all that effort for this trip if I wasn't! You wouldn't put up with me for nearly twenty years if I wasn't! I'm just -- [Thank god she's not facing him right now.] I'm just a fucking mess. A pathetic, rich-bitch, mess.

[And the problem here is that she's always been one, there's an incredible likelihood that he knows that, in some form or another. But she's tried to keep all this self-doubt and loathing to herself all the same. It wasn't what he signed up for and, really, if not for all the physical torture he'd just run her through she wouldn't have been so honest. ... And awkwardly enough her scent hasn't shifted a bit. They really should have just kept having sex, man. Would have been simpler.]

[ Is love selfish or selfless? He doesn't know - maybe it's something which comes about in equal measure. But he does tense up a little as she begins, despite the mood and despite her scent, despite the throbbing between his legs he finds himself ready for another fight. But that wouldn't be good... that wouldn't help anyone. So he inhales, he exhales, and he leans his forehead up against and somewhat between her ass cheeks.

Common? She's not common. ]

Nariko, I don't know how else I could prove to you that you are special, and you are loved.

[ He says this very gently, and very sincerely. Because he doesn't, short of something insane and selfish, short or betraying something which was special to either or both of them as individuals. ] But if you can think of any, I can try.

[ But... ] If I can correct one or two things there, though?

I know.

[She knows that incredibly well now. Did she have something of a leg to stand on when it came to that cabin and how Masaomi initially dealt with Nathan? Yes. Neither of them was perfect by any means, but at the end of the day they did love each other. They loved each other enough that the almost paradigm shift between herself and her son hadn't made enough of a dent between them as to change anything. She knows all of that, and knows it has to be her that's the problem, her fears and her reactions. Not him. That's why she shakes her head - there's nothing she can think of because anything she might have wanted to change was already dealt with over their trip.

She moves her hair back and out of the way so she can look over her shoulder at him and - She nods at him.]

[ To be fair, her ass is sort of in the way so he can't see her super clearly there, but he gets the sense that she nodded so he'll just go on.

... Masaomi wasn't perfect. He also fretted about his own imperfections. But somehow, as he aged, those imperfections seemed to be less of a problem, or at least, he matured past a lot of them. Some still linger with him - he's very cheap, he overthinks things to the point that they end up as gordian knots, he hesitates at the wrong moments and becomes gung ho at all the wrong ones too. But these were things he accepted. Sort of. He didn't necessarily handle everything well here, but he wanted to try.

Because these arguments they've had have hurt him a lot. ]

First, you're far more into math than I am, so perhaps you know something about statistics I don't, but even if there were a hundred thousand women who are as strong in body as you, none of those women are someone I am as emotionally connected to, are as beautiful in mind as I know you are. I don't think that my love is something which should be defined by that chance.

Second, [ In all honesty he has more reasons to be concerned she will be taken from him, if he is honest. But he doesn't say that, it wouldn't serve any purpose ] I've never put up with you, Nariko. Toleration is far from the same thing as adoration. I've accepted and wanted you here.

[.... She couldn't hope to say it to him now or anytime soon, really, but there's really something about him when he speaks this - not plainly, but maybe earnest is the better word. It's without the addition of any dynamic, not as her Alpha, or anything so serious. It's nice. And also disarming which, as it turns out, is a good thing. He's probably going to notice that she's watching him very closely now, which has forced her to sit properly and half face him.

In truth, she's looking for reasons to doubt, cracks in his expression, tone, or body language. And while it might be hard to believe it's a good sign. That she doesn't hide that she's doing it is a good sign, and if nothing else it might be worth it for the sight of her features relaxing, and the rigidity in her spine eases a bit, too. She believes him.]

Masaomi, I'm not sure I'm ever going to get over it entirely. [She doesn't know where she's speaking from, really - but she's trying to make it clear, free of blame on him or herself.] But I won't let it get in the way. Even if I hate showing you this.

[Nariko could stand to be humiliated, disrespected, and laughed at. Those were all things she could correct in one form or another. But for Masaomi to see her in such a weak, pathetic state? It makes her want to die, it feels like giving him the right ammunition to stop loving her. But that's on her, the last vestiges of something that has to stop influencing her future.]

Thank you. [She toys with a strand of hair and-] For accepting me. And all that.

[Because, come to think of it, he's probably the only one in her entire life that's even tried, let alone succeeded. So that's - Who knows, man, sometimes that's all people need, right? Is to be accepted, and reminded of that acceptance.]

[ Awww, but it was comfortable to lean his head up against her ass. ... He doesn't give her ass near enough love, now he thinks of it. And he...

He considers saying something he probably would benefit from himself (and Mikado has advised him towards before because it apparently helped him a while ago) with therapy, but ... well, if he wasn't ready to take that step, he can't ask that of her. Besides, that would be patronizing in this moment. He wasn't even using his Alpha voice, he just was speaking gently to her, and only her.

It's why he finds he doubt in her eyes a little bit offensive, but he stomaches it and keeps a slight smile on his lips. His eyes swim in her own, and he ... well, it's a bit strange to be on his knees below her for a moment like this, but - ]

Always, Nariko. Even if you're stolen from me, I'll steal you back.

[What is he -- below her?! She flushes and pulls him back up.]

You won't have to steal anything, because I'm going to be right where I belong, which is with you.

[Frankly, she's not ready to go to therapy either, in part because it might not be needed now, as it might have been at the beginning of December. It's impossible for her to vocalize right now but this is probably the last of it, the bit that needed to be sloughed off, but wasn't easily covered by their unfun funeral trip.]

But can I make one request? [A pause.] Two, actually.

[ Well he had been eating her out, you know, that usually requires getting into a lower position. Still, he gets up and next to her on the couch and shakes his head. She's going to remain right where she belongs...

If she needs to doubt him less, then he needs to doubt that less.

Oh well - ]

Sure, shoot.

Can we talk like this more often? Kinda just [She makes a gesture that's supposed to be 'squeezing in' or something like that.] incorporate that to spending more alone time together. [Because though she'd been making expressions before, it was nice. To just ... Talk. Maybe it didn't make sense but she has to at least try to ask.]

Also, be willing to break me out of jail for stealing Ariel.

[... They could keep her at their new apartment .....

(She's joking!)]

A...ah? I hope you mean more deep talks than you do arguments?

[ It doesn't totally make sense to him, but he nods all the same, because that's doable. But as for that second one... ]

Okay, I can agreed to that, but if we're doing that you need to give Joshua-san the ultimate fantasy, it's just fair.

God, no! [She's as done with that as he is.

Joshua's ultimate fantasy ... What would that even be? She can't help feeling that it probably wouldn't really include her.] I love that you're completely accepting of my desire to steal people's infants, Masaomi. [He seriously didn't even think twice.]

I hope his ultimate fantasy doesn't actually involve knocking me up.

[... It's not like he even asked, but that hint before was just. It'd never left her head, entirely.]

[ Are they serious or are they joking here? He's not really sure either way. ]

Mmmmm, well, we had been saying that this pack needed more children in it.

[ That said, in a horrifying little twist here, there is an unspoken then that if she were to actually steal a baby, he would indeed probably support it. So really his main trust is that she... wouldn't. That said, he would be frustrated at supporting it because that's insane, but it is her. So. ]

Still, that would be a bold one.

[She's joking about stealing Ariel! Although she's kind of hinting at something that'll be brought up much, much later, so there is that much. But, yeah, if he'd really support her even as she basically kidnapped someone's kid then?? Well, that's an extreme level of dedication. It also might not be entirely healthy. But there are worse things in the world.]

Either way. [She shakes her head because she's assuming he's reacting to the idea that Joshua might want to, or otherwise easily agree to knocking her up. The truth is that she'd feel terrible for the result between them - her demanding, selfish nature paired with Joshua who is quiet and far more naturally reasonable?]

The most important question, though! [And here, she leans in to kiss him.] Still want to?

[She'll suffocate her need for sex if she's demolished his drive.]

[ He would, because she's her. But he would also disapprove, because that was crazy. These are the lives. But-- ]

When do I not?

[ He kisses her again, and he rocks against her. Honestly, he could - and they should - go at it for hours and hours. And he... well, yes, he was reacting to that idea. In truth, any child of hers would be her child and he would be okay with it, is something he'd thought since this began. Though recently-

Another time, it's not relevant now ]

[His is a very realistic love, isn't it.]

Well, there might be - [One time that he doesn't! But that's not right now, and it's fitting that she can't finish that thought, because it's another thing that doesn't have any place here. So it's time to get back to what really counts, for them as a whole and for that specific moment! Which should be pretty easy because for as fearsome as her scent had been before it's a lot clearer now.

'Hours and hours' is a very apt description of what's going to happen.]

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[Futurelandia] The Wonderful Christmas (and maybe into New Years stuff too)

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ironically slow claps at her always working out deep seated issues with sex

Terrible man

Seriously thank you for putting up with this difficult twit

hahaha no it's fine. I've given you some problems here too.

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