masanari | [Futurelandia] An Eventful Valentines and beyond (happy new year)

[Audrey's pointed silence implies no maybe you were not and that's okay. But whether something has more power being unsaid or said is generally up to the one it's being said about.]

Wow, that reminds me of why I used to think men are completely goddamn awful.

[It's a good thing they're not doing anything vaguely sexual right now because even though it's an honest response that she doesn't even blame him for it's just so fucking selfish.]

[ He really and truly can't help but respond, more or less immediately, ]

Sorry.

[ Before he knows she isn't blaming him and he didn't do anything to her. He recognizes it the moment after he says it, and h thinks of things his therapist has said, and so hastens to correct himself - ]

I mean - I mean I get that, it makes sense.

[ That's not a great salvage, and so he frowns and, ] My therapist tells me to get better about the instant sorrys for things I didn't do it's just me guilting people in reverse.

[ There. It's more honesty ]

[Audrey needs a minute to process all of those reactions because they all occur at once and seem to belong to a situation that she isn't currently in. It's weird.]

Kind of sounds like your therapist is right.

[Because it is a reach around way of guilting someone and that is a thing that could easily happen so subconsciously that one would logically need a therapist to help undo the behavior.]

Sullivan, do you feel like you belong here?

[In the pack.]

[ . . . Where did that come from? (and of course his therapist his right, his therapist is brilliant and extremely helpful and deeply frustrating sometimes and better be good for how much he pays to go as regularly as he does. But he looks down at her, surprised and thinking a million thoughts at once for how to respond to that, for what she could be implying, and he finally says, ]

I definitely used to. I've been worrying about it in the last few years, but Masa and Ada and Nariko and the other older people - they're all my best friends. [ Nariko might not think to call him that ever, Ada probably wouldn't, and Masaomi might but Sullivan can't help but think that he was just being nice. So in the end, it might be one-sided, but he was sincere. ] Do you?

[ She gave up her family to be here, depending on how you looked at it, so he sure as hell hopes so ]

[If he wants to know he's free to ask, but she's not in a giving mood and probably won't be for a little while. Some answers will need to be worked for. While he thinks and even while he answers Audrey looks up at him evenly, as well measured and still as an unperturbed lake. She'd make a good detective if the thought ever occurred to her.]

They are. [It's not going to matter from her, she knows that, but she can't not say something to help someone she cares about.

She grins when he turns the question around, and looks back at the screen. It takes her a long time to answer, which might be worrying, but when she does speak it's measured, like every word is taking a small chunk of her ability to process.]

I really hate to be bored, Sully. I think that's why even when things were awful I never really told anyone. It wasn't because I was scared - I mean, I was - but because I don't really know how to function without something be difficult. My parents. Yamato. Junko. This whole thing about children. I can't ever just let things be calm.

[When she sighs it seems to require every muscle in her body. How odd.] There are a lot of times where I don't feel as if I fit the right way. I'm sure I do when I'm willing to let everyone bang me, but the person Junko sees every day is probably not a person who fits in this environment. But, you know, I went in knowing that. I will always wonder if Masaomi knew that, too.

[She raises a finger, twirls it:] So it's both a 'yes' and a 'no'!

[ Sullivan allows her that moment, and tries to understand what is that she's telling him. It almost feels for a moment like he's not more than twice her age, like he's somehow the ignorant one here, who's seen less of the world. But that fades just as quickly. Even if she's suffered and even if her life was tempestuous, it's not like he's not suffered himself. And besides, life isn't about comparisons, it's about the sum of experiences. And he himself smiles too, deciding that ...

Well, she didn't necessarily need to be reassured, but she might like some confirmation. ]

Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, Masa can see more of a person than they know of themselves. [ And he squeezes her gently ] So - so - I don't think it's a bad thing, you being here. I know I like it.

[It's true that she didn't really need a thing, it was more a thing she just happened to tell him, a long stretch of honesty that she otherwise might have avoided. But that does make the squeeze that much warmer, and a little more meaningful. Audrey pushes up a little to kiss his cheek before settling back down.]

It's an utter testament to how close you guys are that you call him 'Masa'.

[Now if only it didn't remind her of the dough.]

I'm also the one who convinced him the email he had since he was fifteen wasn't a good one to start a business with.

[ Seriously, it was baaaaad.

Really bad.

Really awfully bad.

He laughs just thinking about it. ]

[She snorts. This is a trap, and she wants to ask but doesn't.]

You know, none of you would be where you are without the other. I hope it's like that for the rest of us, too.

[Herself, Koji, Junko, Yamato, and Veronica. The younger ones.]

I'm kind of jealous.

[ Jealous? ]

Pretty sure it is. Koji's a little shit -- like I said -- but... he's shaped a lot by all the rest of you. Same for Yamato, he's nothing without you and Junko. Junko's helped a lot by you. From what I've seen of that Olivia girl, she'll be have an impression put on her by everyone else.

[ A beat ]

And going back to babies, pretty sure we'll have yet another little generation here soon.

They're both really excited about it, so I think it's definitely going to happen. [She huffs a little.] I still haven't decided if I'll have one.

[Hadn't she already said yes, though? Probably. Well. That's a problem for another night.]

What do you think of that girl, anyway? I don't think ever met anyone so tightly wound in my entire life.

Well, we were talking about if we belonged or not and-- and she definitely belongs in some sort of a pack. I think being outside of it put her in a bad spot.

[ Though maybe it's something native to her character and he's overestimating it. But still, both of them - Nariko and Masaomi, of course. (Or Koji and Veronica, really...) Sullivan nods, looking back at the screen and humming a bit ]

I guess that's a choice we all need to make. And try not to be selfish.

[ Or swept up too much in it ]

Edited 2016-07-23 01:55 (UTC)

That would make sense. I just feel kind of bad for her, if I was a guy I wouldn't even know how to approach her.

[If Sullivan is right then just being in a pack would help Olivia relax enough to get a dick in her as soon as possible, whether her dad is ready to accept that reality or not. Audrey isn't the religious type but she might just pray for that troubled redhead.]

Yeah, that's probably not going to happen and there's going to be like ten kids within the next year.

[ . . . He snorts ] Probably. We're all a little bit uppity.

[ But that said, going back to Olivia, he shakes his head, looking off at the far wall and groans out, ] Try being closer to three times her age than not and a man. [ Not that Olivia would consider him attractive or anything... probably? He's pretty sure. But he frowns, bites his lip, and then exhales.

Kids. It's a heavy topic, and instead he sort of temporarily finds a respite in the Olivia topic ]

So - so, who do you think clears up her tension?

[ We are now betting on who dicks her. Apparently. Or he's trying to make it that as a cool humor moment ]

Sully, you should stay away from her completely.

[For his own good.]

I have no idea, but if someone is already giving that a try then they aren't doing a good job. I'm not even sure Tom is chill enough to handle a girl that seems so high maintenance.

[And that trait seems a bit detached from Olivia's frustrations. She didn't seem to have a personality that was inherently mellow, and most of the dudes in this house were pretty chill.]

Oh... Oh I -- I know.

[ He wonders which way she means it, honestly... in his head, it's because he's pretty sure that Joshua guy can beat the shit out of him, but he's capable of thinking of at least five other reasons if he sat down and put his mind to it. ]

Tom'd get fed up, yeah. So probably someone who can - uh. Y'know, appease her? Or someone who just plows through it.

[ . . . He's a fan of plowing through it but he knows he doesn't do it as well as any of the Kida boys could ]

[It's mostly because Sullivan can't handle Audrey when she's all up in her feelings, so there's no way he would come out of Olivia safely, either.]

Yamato, maybe? If he's in a bossy mood. Or Koji, if only because eventually she'd have to stop talking.

[That's something that would sound so abominable out of context.]

What about Octavio?

[He's kind of the last option, so she can't help but wonder.]

Octavio's another one who should go nowhere near her-- but. For about the opposite reason as me.

[ How many failed romances does Octavio have behind him? He's a people pleaser, but he's a people pleaser to such an extent that while he's funny, likable! By all account a creative lover--! He's also pretty prone to getting stepped all over as he enters the pace of the other party. So he could handle her, but he would handle her so well that it's more like she's handling him.

Or at least, that's how Sully sees it. As his friend, of course. ]

Her and Koji are the nightmare pair though. Uh- of the big red guy, I mean. [ It came up in a casual conversation the other day. ]

That doesn't leave her with much opportunity, so we'll still be stuck with the same mess.

[Of course it wasn't entirely unbelievable that Emily or Nariko might step in, especially since the latter seemed to have a habit of solving problems rather covertly.]

Why's that his nightmare?

[And here Audrey ends up revealing a bit of her youth because from her perspective she can't even comprehend why Joshua would give a shit about Koji, let alone Koji with Olivia.]

[ He shrugs at that because... well. No one had to obey him completely either. But that second part- Why is-

... Oh? ]

Because he's a single father who's a little bit uh- um... old school.

[ That's a good enough word, if he's honest. That's a fair way to put it, isn't it? ]

[For a moment she still doesn't grasp it, probably because her own parents, for all of their awful faults and intricacies, had been somewhat lax about her sex life. They didn't like that she was doing it but Audrey always found condoms in her school bag, along with pamphlets about diseases and crap.]

She's a teenager, she's going to have sex. Is there really any use in fighting that?

[Of course the disconnect between knowing that and also not having a child, compared to a parent without a mate and in a strange situation ...]

There's a use in hoping for the best for her and uh-- hmm- I... I mean, I'd get where someone wouldn't want their daughter to get in too deep with Koji.

[ Nariko had talked to him once or twice about how he had a bit of a rep at that PTA. Or well, talked near him. A bit of both, really, and the older man thinks of those when he says it. He nodded and decided he could leave it at that. ]

Not everyone gets along with him.

[ . . . That might be weird wording ]

I mean, yeah, but Veronica's the only one that matters to him.

[Hadn't Joshua been around long enough to see that? Of course she isn't trying to say Koji doesn't run around and do what he wants or whatever, but in the end no one was going to hold his attention as firmly. No one could. Audrey would know, considering it was her apparent fate in life to be rejected by the Kida children.]

I guess it just seems like a ridiculous thing to be concerned with, but that's probably why I'm not actually fit to be anyone's mom.

I think you make a better mom than I made a dad, if it helps.

[ A little bit sheepishly, he responds to her. But that said, Veronica's the only one that matters to him, huh? It's a strange idea, but she's probably right all things considered. He doesn't quite connect some other meaning she's making through how he says that, the rejection and all. But still. ]

I have no idea what would even make you think that, but I appreciate the sentiment.

[She closes her eyes even though she's supposed to be keeping up with the episode. This whole kid business, and even remembering how easily Junko had fallen into Masaomi's scent and all that happened in that room. Man. How awful.

Before she can think about it too much the doorbell rings! Food's here!]

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