masanari | [Futurelandia] The Thanksgiving and Early December Post

[Futurelandia] The Thanksgiving and Early December Post

[ It's been around a month since everything started to change. And frankly, a damn sure more things have changed even in that month. There's simplistic ones, such as Masaomi getting a vasectomy which even if he tried to keep it on the downlow, everyone found out about because of what a whiner he was for his week of medical abstinence and everyone felt after that for how he proceeded to fuck every relevant woman in the house and who would sleep with him out of the house into submission for the next two or three days. Everyone sort of had a rude awakening there.

But then, some changes were bigger and more serious. A new member joined there pack (Veroncia) not all that long ago, and it was much to everyone except some of the adult's surprise. Everyone had to learn their new pecking order and where she fit in with the rest of them. Masaomi and Nariko continued their rituals and continued their seeing other people, to mixed results from both. Audrey was hanging around the house more, though she hadn't had the recommended Talk with Masaomi about joining, despite making this something of a second home for her. And of course, Junko's training continued despite the week long hiatus from it.

Everyone was changing, and everyone was adapting. Yamato even had a sexy car now. And at the culmination of everything, a sort of milestone in the midst of everything, there was Thanksgiving, the lead up to it, and the follow up after it leading into December. A time when a lot of people hung out in one house, and then things got weirdly tense for a variety of reasons. God bess us, every one. ]

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[He still has to take his time to think about things, doesn't he? That only widens her grin because for all that's changed she's glad certain things have remained the way they should. It was weird to know that his mom had such a thing for her own son, even if Audrey wanted to stay the night specifically with Yamato it always had to be after whatever the hell they did every night. It wasn't as if she had been told explicitly but Ms. Lunae had made it clear in her own way, in how she refused to accept Audrey's presence with anything more than muted accepted until after Audrey may have glanced by something she shouldn't have.

That woman was fucking terrifying.

But all the same, it's made her ultimate choice much easier even though there's a hitch somewhere in there that has to do with Junko. ~~who has not womaned up to break up with anyone just yet no~~]

It's been great. I mean, to be honest I really did want to have that talk with your dad, and just make it official. [The Serious Talk that everyone had eluded to originally freaked her out but now ... Now she could handle it. It'd be alright.] It wasn't something I really wanted to do before I ran into you again.

[Because dear god could people get lost in this house and then people had places to be and such...]

[ Yamato was . . . oblivious to his mom's beef with Audrey. Okay, that's not quite true, he's long since sensed that there is a beef, but he doesn't really know what the meaning of the beef is and what is even really going on there. After all, Audrey's great! Comes from a different background and all but ... he likes her. A part of him was worried, especially in the beginning, if he was just taking advantage of the fact that she was so into him, but he's pretty sure that he's not, at this point. He's far from in love with her, but he knows that he's attracted to her, knows they're sexually compatible, and he knows they could be great friends.

And the dates are fun.

... Honestly, the truth of the matter is that he probably should talk to her about that conclusion of hit, and the truth of the matter - the truth beyond the truth he can actually see - is that invisible strings no doubt constrict Audrey's actions, coming out from everything Yamato does. But. ]

Oh man! [ At that, his whole demeanor changes, he turns to her and holds one of her hands in both of his excitedly ] You really think you want to go through with it?! That's awesome!

[It wasn't a beef! It was a brief establishing of territory and how things would work, that was all! Once Audrey got the idea that her comments about the general weirdness of incestuous relationships wouldn't be tolerated, and that, in general, a certain nightly ritual wasn't to be interrupted ... Everything settled out! Those points just needed to be made and Audrey was intelligent enough to get the idea. There hadn't been a problem otherwise.]

Yeah! I mean, I go home and it doesn't even feel like home anymore. And Tom and Octavio are cool, even Sullivan is pretty epic in his own way, I kind of admire him!

[She held his hand(s), and lifted them to kiss the back.] I just wanted to kind of - y'know, go over something with you, but I didn't want to mess up Thanksgiving.

[ A beat, and... well, he is a millennial or beyond. So Yamato, despite shrugging a bit at the kiss ]

Well Thanksgiving's a made up celebration about a bunch of white people killing everyone else and pretending it didn't happen, so whatever. Ruin away.

[ He's trying to sound cool here, yes, but it's also a very Yamato comment, the whole hint of Social Justice which boiled under his surface when he was confident enough to say it. But he's trying to make her feel comforted and such already. ... She likes Tom and Octavio and even Sullivan, huh. He wonders if any of them heard that. He glances past her to see Sullivan and - ... No, he totally didn't. Still. ]

[Well. Shit. She kind of blinks at that before just coming out with]

We're probably not very compatible, huh? [That was supposed to be more difficult to say but he just came out with something so different and unexpected it was almost as if her brain demanded she skip pretense and be as frank. Or something along those lines.] That's not - to say I don't still have feelings for you, I do. But it's just ...

[She laughs, but it's a little humorless.] I mean, it's not there for you, is it? That sense that even if you're with other people you have to be with me.

[That was something she had kind of learned from Masaomi and Nariko. While the latter was still terrifying Audrey, with her rather different lens, could see how dull she was in comparison to being with Masaomi. It was like watching the sunrise versus the sunset. And that was the feeling she wanted to have with another person, something natural and immediate.

Except it had been a month with Yamato, they'd been on dates and had sex and also not had sex and it just. Wasn't there. She couldn't feel it from him at all.]

[ He meant that to be reassuring, honestly. But at the same time, that's... He frowns, because he still, genuinely, did not want to hurt her. But maybe that was why he didn't do anything like apply a label to them, he didn't want to call her his girlfriend. Or ... anything like that. Sure, he'd called her his bitch, but he half wondered how much of that was genuine desire and how much of that was bravado and wanting to emulate his father. He did still enjoy her in that capacity.

But again, was that just exploiting her? ]

H-hey... don't make it sound like -- I mean. It's not like I don't not like you.

[ . . . ] I mean, I do. [ . . . ] Shit. I.

[ Crap, how does he... (She was going to join the pack. She wasn't in the pack yet. She wanted to take the plunge. Octavio and the others were cool. He didn't want to break her heart.) his hands are still clasped on her own, and he feels a familiar feeling of crushing responsibility mixed with cold sweat well up in him now. He swallows, and he doesn't want to be that lame-o he used to be who would just stay nothing. So he'll... stutter his way through this ]

Th-those... the dates we've been on. I mean - I've had fun. And it's helped me... a lot. I mean a lot... a lot. ... Shit that sounds so selfish. [ Okay, inhale, exhale ] I mean if I sound confident and shit it's like -- [ . . . ] It's probably because- you know it's -- because of you? [ But if that true? Was it her? Or could it have been any girl who liked him? He wanted to be honest with her. ]

I... I mean. ... No, I -- ... Not really. [ SHIT be more clear ] I don't really have. That feeling though.

[ . . . ] But I do like you a lot. Just not- [ COME ON STOP. QUALIFYING IT. STOP TALKING. He hangs his head ]

[Watching him try to work through his own head is just ... It feels like proof that they've probably outgrown this form of their relationship, a thing which isn't entirely sexual and isn't entirely romantic but also isn't either of those things at all. She takes her free hand to put it over both of his.]

We're really great friends that can have really great sex, but that's all.

[And that's just it. The end of the story. There's no pretending that she doesn't kind of still love and admire him. She hadn't wanted monogamy but something lasting was the general goal and it hurt to know that it just wouldn't happen, and that if it did she'd only be doing a disservice to them both.]

It's okay. I mean, it sucks but to be honest I was probably using you in my own way. I'd rather deal with this now than let it go on and get weird, and if that happened then maybe we couldn't even be friends anymore.

[And this way they could still be that. They could still have sex, or go hang out or something but there just wouldn't be any expectation, no strings.]

[ He sighs hard at that. He sighs hard trying to feel comforted by her words, trying not to feel tense. It's pathetic, he can't help but think, that he's comforted by her hands being on his own, that she, even if he was sort of breaking up with her (not that they were anything official) he was only surviving it because of her, because she's keeping it together. He really wishes that he wasn't such a failure as a man, but he knows that this is all he can be right now. Usually, he was okay with this. Right now, though, he feels really small, really weak.

But he can't just be that.

He lifts his gaze, trying to make eye contact with her. Forcing himself to do that. ]

I'm really glad that I noticed you. [ He hopes she is too, ultimately ] And ... and I mean, if you still want to, no matter what a dick I am, I'll -- I'll be honored to have you as a packmate.

[ There. There, that's what he wants to say ]

Edited 2015-12-09 06:07 (UTC)

[It's really difficult to keep herself together right now, in all honesty, but she can't exactly burst out into tears or anything. It's just - that's just not her, though it's maybe another sign of something being wrong between them. She had been a little more open but Audrey still didn't feel entirely comfortable exposing every little part of herself to anyone but Junko.]

Thank you. [She knows what he means, that he's trying to be a good and supportive person.] My decision is the same, I just wanted to go into it with things being clear, that's all.

[So now they'd be packmates and he would know that her presence didn't have anything to do with him at all. When she'd begun to think about it that just made the most sense.]

[ Why the fuck is she thanking him? He's the one who - ... He inhales deep now, sucking in air to replace all the ones he just exhaled. He can feel his eyes moistening, and he's not sure if it's sympathy or frustration. But he can't be like that, not around her. Not right now. He can go be that way with... more or less anyone else, really. Yamato runs his thumb against her hand, and he looks at her with what he hopes is a pleasant expression ]

That's -- it's a really good idea. [ . . . ] I hope I can be a good friend for you. [ A beat ] And I'm sure you'll do well with our Alpha.

[ . . . God damn man make up your mind ]

Hopefully. He's not as scary as he was before, but it's a lot easier to see why everyone is so loyal. [So rather than outright fear she's got a healthy dose of respect for his father, the right amount of caution that would set her up to become a good pack member.] Do you think he'd help me tell my parents and all that, though? I can't imagine this is going to go over well with them.

[She was an adult so it wasn't a matter of needing the law on her side or anything, rather that she actually was concerned about how her parents might choose to try and keep her there.]

By the way [She's really desperate to talk about anything that isn't the fact that the guy she's been infatuated with for so long will never really want her.] do you know why Junko's been so weird to me lately?

For sure. [ Yamato says that without blinking, heartfelt. He has absolute trust in his father, in his Alpha. Perhaps more and more genuinely than any of his siblings, including the torch carrying Junko. Largely because his own faith and his own ego (he felt) came from his father and his own strength, what little he had, was from emulating the man and advancing on it ] If he accepts you, then we'll all do what we can with that. Him especially.

[ . . . But as for Junko. He blinks, and - ] Well I mean, she's been kind of busy lately?

[ Which is to say no clue ]

Okay. [That's good. Her parents weren't bad people they were just ... They could get out of hand. They'd already done it to each other, so Audrey didn't think that she was barred from that treatment whether she was their daughter or not.

But, on to the topic of his sister:] You have no idea either, huh?

[By now she's learned to read Yamato quite well, almost as well as the other Kida sibling.] I mean, she really has been with all that .... Stuff going on, but it seems like she's going through some hoops to avoid me.

[ . . . Should he? Or was it not his place--- fuck it, Audrey was going to a packmate potentially, so he looks a little sheepish and comments, ]

Think it's something you should confront her on? Or do you need my help with it or something?

[ He didn't want to impose himself, particularly after he just awkwardly rejected her or something. But still! He liked to be helpful, and he didn't want Junko and Audrey's friendship to get messed up, particularly if it was something to do with him. He was feeling guilty if he was honest... probably about both of them ]

Because yeah, busy. That training and that Ethan guy, but. Still.

She's talking to Ethan now?

[That - What in the world. Was her brain so addled from whatever their Alpha was doing that Junko had lost her good sense? This is the obvious downside to not being as involved with your friend as you should be, Audrey had no way of knowing about Ethan aside from his apparent invite over which had seemed odd, yeah, but she hadn't really thought to question it.]

Jesus.

More like he's been talking to her, I think. Last time I got a glance at her phone he'd left five messages for her.

[ . . . Okay now he needs to be a concerned older brother- ]

I don't know him from Adam, is he bad?

But still, it's not like he'd have the balls to say anything to her if she hadn't opened that up somehow. [Sure, there was a chance that Ethan had misunderstood but Junko had been pretty clear about her feelings for the guy for months now so why ...

Audrey's being a little possessive here, she knows that's what's happening to her as her brain tries to make sense of everything.]

He's not horrible or anything, he's just really had a thing for her since she beat him in debate. It's like a badly scripted rivalry that no one told her about. When she was kind of hanging around with Lucas Millen I guess Ethan thought it'd be easy to get in on that, since he and Lucas are friends. Junko cussed him out.

[She can't help frowning now, recalling how utterly pissed Junko had become - and for good reason.] I don't know. I guess I'm a little jealous here, but the way he fixates also creeps me out.

[ Jealous, huh? ... Not his place to comment on that, but it does dredge up little isolated things that his mom or Junko have said about Audrey before now. He can't fit them together into any sort of picture of anything, but he can leave the dots there, unconnected in his head. If it was anything serious, Junko would handle it or his Alpha would work through it during his talk with Audrey, so he decides to leave it be for now. He folds his hands together and leans forward. ]

Honestly, I don't know why here's here today. [ He sighs ] But yeah, Junko wouldn't give someone the time of day if she wasn't getting something from them. I've not got bad-guy vibes from him yet but...

[ He waves a hand in Audrey's direction, Too Soon, but ] We both know I can be a little dense.

It had to have been Junko who invited him. [There was no way she could be happy with that idea but there wasn't another answer to be had. She tries and fails to ignore the way her stomach burns, how angry it makes her that Junko would not only have this weird thing going on with her parents but would also bang Ethan, of all people. She hadn't so much as looked at Audrey in the last few weeks but she'd let Ethan get all hot and bothered for her? It was bullshit!]

There's no use in assuming he's one way or the other, but maybe you can talk to her?

[Audrey won't, because she's practically livid with jealousy, and Junko would spot that from a mile away as it is.]

[ He can feel the anger on Audrey. He wants to help her, but at the same time, he was no doubt a part of her problem. He frowns, and he nods ]

If you think he's a problem I'll ask her, yeah.

[ That said, he tilts his head and - ]

But I mean - [ Err ] Are you gonna be okay? [ . . . ] We could talk more and I could totally change the topic here, or we could do something else or I can shut up and you can go talk with someone who wasn't just a dick to you-

What are you talking about? [She might sound a little harsher than she meant to, her jealousy is still flaring and all she can think about for a moment is that little pissant trying to touch Junko trying to fuck Audrey's --] You weren't a dick.

[She literally doesn't know where he's getting that from.]

[ He-

She- ... He- ]

... I've been rejected a lot. I've never actually rejected someone before. I'm not really used to it. Sorry.

[ That was way more honest than it needed to be. ... And seriously, did it have o be a dull commercial on right now which means he's pretty sure that Tom or Oactavio is watching them now ]

[Are they watching? She doesn't really care. Actually, nah, if Tom is there she might just end up trying to pull him off elsewhere for a little while. He could make her feel better.]

It's not the kind of thing where anyone ever feels good, Yamato, it went about as well as could be expected, so don't apologize, just let go of the whole thing.

[If nothing else she'd feel a lot better that way, too.]

Alright, I will. Sorry. [ . . . Okay, so let's change the subject. Not him, not Junko, not Ethan, apparently that that Thanksgiving is a sham of a holiday--

He inhaled and once more smelled - ]

... So you and Koji had fun earlier today?

[He's going right back to apologizing everywhere, she almost feels bad. But the mention of Koji is ... Well, yeah, it's probably kind of easy to smell on her, isn't it?] Ah, yeah, around this morning and some other times, too.

[If there was any hope of them actually being something Audrey might feel guilty about not telling Yamato earlier. But there's no standard now, it might as well be like talking to a bro about the whole thing.]

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