masanari | [Futurelandia] The Thanksgiving and Early December Post

[Futurelandia] The Thanksgiving and Early December Post

[ It's been around a month since everything started to change. And frankly, a damn sure more things have changed even in that month. There's simplistic ones, such as Masaomi getting a vasectomy which even if he tried to keep it on the downlow, everyone found out about because of what a whiner he was for his week of medical abstinence and everyone felt after that for how he proceeded to fuck every relevant woman in the house and who would sleep with him out of the house into submission for the next two or three days. Everyone sort of had a rude awakening there.

But then, some changes were bigger and more serious. A new member joined there pack (Veroncia) not all that long ago, and it was much to everyone except some of the adult's surprise. Everyone had to learn their new pecking order and where she fit in with the rest of them. Masaomi and Nariko continued their rituals and continued their seeing other people, to mixed results from both. Audrey was hanging around the house more, though she hadn't had the recommended Talk with Masaomi about joining, despite making this something of a second home for her. And of course, Junko's training continued despite the week long hiatus from it.

Everyone was changing, and everyone was adapting. Yamato even had a sexy car now. And at the culmination of everything, a sort of milestone in the midst of everything, there was Thanksgiving, the lead up to it, and the follow up after it leading into December. A time when a lot of people hung out in one house, and then things got weirdly tense for a variety of reasons. God bess us, every one. ]

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[In a way she can understand why he might think her too strong or self-assured to go so far for one, or any man. While she'd never really hid Roman from anyone she'd met him after Nathan was already mostly out of her life by then. Of course he'd been invited to their wedding but he hadn't been there to see how quickly Nariko gave up the stability of a normal life for a man that was chaotic at best and manipulative at worst. They'd made a singular world of each other and that might have been romantic if they weren't so terrible for each other. What Nathan would have inevitably seen was how terribly Roman's departure sucked all the confidence out of her. She'd been a wreck, and it wasn't long after that her father died. Becoming Alpha to that pack had given her a sense of purpose, a reason to drag herself back up, but-]

And I think those ideals would apply if he'd loved me back then the way he does now. [She tries to take a gentle breathe, tries not to think all of this is useless.] But we didn't go about it that way. We didn't really trust each other, we weren't equal for a long time, Nathan. I had to prove it to him, but he had to do the same.

[She doesn't like to think of it that way but it was the truth.] It's not ideal, and sometimes I worry about it, but it's still a part of me now.

Edited 2016-01-03 06:36 (UTC)

But he still hasn't married you! He's going around screwing other women even after you gave up so much for him? That's bullshit and you know it! [And she clearly, clearly does if she's giving him an answer like that, if she isn't getting so immediately defensive of her mate in the same way she did her short lived husband back then. She's clearly aware that that idiot has a conditional love for her.

( he doesn't, but Nathan is a flawed person who sees flaws which aren't necessarily there in other people when he jelly ok ok )

Also he just totally ignores that bit about Masaomi having to prove himself too because that's convenient for him -- err. Because that doesn't matter nearly as much as his sister's wellbeing? Yeah, that. ]

Edited 2016-01-03 06:40 (UTC)

Nathan, he's not ever going to marry me. [Man, she had come a long way from being hurt that he would mention almost asking her! Masaomi should be proud of her!] Masaomi thinks that marriage is something that restricts people. To him it's not a celebration or a chance to let anyone who will listen know that we love each other as partners. A lot of pack-minded people are like that.

[She isn't becoming defensive because she's a grown ass woman and whether Nathan likes or agrees with it or not, she belongs with Masaomi. But she also knows he's being petulant, to some degree. Getting angry would only fan his not so proverbial flames.]

Masaomi loves me. He's given me all of him, a beautiful family in both our kids and our pack, stability, and his life. We're married in the ways that count, he's given just as much as I have. And you seem to be forgetting that I sleep with other people, too.

[The trick here being that Nathan, more than anyone, would know how unnatural that was for her. Nariko's devotion was nothing if not utterly riddled with a near insane amount of loyalty, but she had to give the defense a try.]

[ He is being petulant, and he knows on some level it's the same argument they had thirty years ago when they were still under his goddamned mother's thumbs about her and her shitty boyfriends back then and how she didn't pay enough attention to him. He knows that on some level, but he is in severe, severe denial about that, instead in his head framing it to be all about her.

He's never going to marry her? And he cane convince himself like that? Bullshit. Bullshit, if he needed him of all people to help save his relationship. and what's more - ]

Did he force you to start doing that too? Or did you do that in order to make hm feel less guilty about him sleeping around because he's too much of an idiot to just show he "loves" you in any sane way?

[ ... He hasn't sounded this nasty in years, he recognizes. But all the same. ]

[At least if he just came out and said he wanted more attention she could actually accommodate that! But he makes it about something else, and she can't help idly knowing that he probably picked that up from her more than Viktor or Amelia. There's a part of her that wants to snap at his tone and defend Masaomi, but it would be like supplying answers to a pissy twelve year old. She won't do it.]

Why does it upset you so much, Nathan? I'm safe and I'm happy and I'm loved, and since all of those corners are secured you have to be pissed at something else.

[It probably isn't a good idea but she reaches out to touch his face, holding his cheek and stroking idly with her thumb.] Just tell me what it's really about.

[Because it's something, but even now she isn't angry with him, she's worried and she loves him. This is the same way she got him to open up to her as a kid, why fix something that isn't broken? To her knowledge, anyway.]

[ She wants what this is really about? and they the fuck wouldn't it upset him that she's been so abused this whole time, because that's what it is, it's goddamn abuse (no it's not) and... and... and she's touching him and he can see that target and he saw her masturbate and -

She wants to know what it is? Fine, then he'll tell her - ]

I wouldn't have made you give up all that stuff!

[ . . . ]

I know that.

[She doesn't take her hand from his face.]

But you can't love me now that I look like this?

[Now that every part of her was a reminder of being owned by someone else?]

[ She knows? She knows? but if she knows, then why is she- ]

I-if. If you knew, then why were we apart so long? Why didn't you just stay with me...

[ He ignores her point entirely, instead just tearing up, going right back to that teenager who had just more or less raped his sister out of a love that she didn't reciprocate, or at least claimed she didn't, and who was at the end of a nervous breakdown. He happens in an instant. ]

Because I didn't know back then.

[And she didn't love him back then, either. She'd been too much of a mess to really love anyone romantically. You couldn't be in their household and come out of that immediately healthy. The distance, going to college, experiencing things? It'd been great for her and while Nathan was gone she'd met and fallen for Roman once she had some form of balance.]

Come on, deep breathes, you're alright. [Did he still have trouble with his asthma? If he did then the last thing he needed was to freak out here. But at the same time now he knew that things were a little different, right? He knew that she knew, so he didn't have to be as upset.]

Edited 2016-01-03 07:55 (UTC)

[ If Nathan were capable of perfect hindsight and perfect clarity about his own actions, he would know that his own love even apart from the wrongness they both perceived what with it being incest and, well, him getting so forceful that one time was also a twisted love, born out of necessity and jealousy. The need to have something or someone you could project genuine feelings onto without it feeling conflicted, or without the feelings not being welcomed back. With the absence of emotional connection in his own life, it was probably inevitable.

But Nathan doesn't have perfect clarity, and so the love he remembers was a pure one, one which had grown out out of adversity, yes, but it had also been the only great thing in his life during a dark period of it. And with the distance came a nostalgia which only made it seem stronger, more pure. With the distance came the knowledge of how fucked up he was with his kinks and a self-awareness that he didn't commit anywhere else because he needed her. He needed her, and he had ruined her and ... and he thought he would be okay with just being a family again but id he?

Is he really?

Nathaniel was a man who could see the depth and complexity in the world, yes, but he was also a man very prone to seeing things through a lens of right and wrong and that lens only became more narrow and more childish the more he was brought back into that nostalgic, beautiful, awful, terrible, inhumane past that his sister and him shared and right now with so many thoughts echoing around in his head, he can't help but think-

Why did they waste so much time? ]

B-but you know now. You know now-

[ He's not taking her advice, and he does still have issues. He's not had an attack in a long while now, but the inhaler is still in his man-purse thing. But - oh. Okay, he - ]

So now---

[ Now what, what was he even digging at? (he's making such an ass of himself, he knows he is, his breath is getting shorter -) ]

[She hadn't wanted to go about it this way. If it was a discussion they were going to have, if they were going to do it right and from the very beginning then it shouldn't happen in public, surrounded by mostly foreign people. But nothing is ever as organized in life as she'd like it to be, so this is just - well, this is how it happens and now they kind of have to deal with it, except this isn't the time and place. He asks her that question without really answering hers, in the end. He loved her back then but did he, now? When she was with someone, when she had children and a life with another man? Even though she had picked him as one of her starter 'choices' Nariko had always thought Nathan might have a hard time sharing. Not everyone had that in them.

And the other part of it is just ... ]

Now you have a girlfriend. One you've been with for three years.

[And they've been monogamous that whole time, right? So how would she feel about this? It might be disturbing to Irina, and would it really be worth putting in danger if her appearance bothered Nathan so much?]

[ Bordering on a full blown attack as he is, while Nathan might have intended this to come out as a growl, the end result is far more like a wheeze. The dichotomy between how impressive he wants to appear right now and how pathetic he actually looks is really very strong. But the fact of the matter is that her "choices" like that and sharing are both very far from his mind now. Maybe their uncle had a really stiff drink in there after all or he's just lacking oxygen in his brain before what he wheezes out here as both Masaomi is coming back with her drink and the waitress is at the far end of the room with the tray that has their dinners on it - ]

Leave him. I'll dump Irina and we'd be better for each other.

[ Family was most important. He loved family. ... He could be a father for her kids, right? Of course he could, probably a better one than than that guy. (he couldn't, he knows he couldn't in his mind he knows this is wrong, he knows he sounds just like he did when he pouted and tried to demand that she dump her boyfriends when they were preteens or when he held back from an "i told you so" when Roman did his shit and--)

... and the Alpha in the room has politely set Nariko's drink down in front of her before he stands over Nathan and with a pleasant smile on his face asks - ]

You don't have the right to challenge me.

[ ... And Nathn looks up at him, tries to glare-- ... And he needs to scramble for his inhaler because he's just that lame apparently. ]

[He's throwing a fit and nearly every other time she's relented. She did it by making sure he never really saw who she slept with - but it was impossible to hide their overall presence - and she did it by taking that pill without knowing what it would do to her. But there's no room for that now, once the word 'leave' comes out into the air she deflates a little and shakes her head. She wants to help him because he really needs to breathe but she can't. Masaomi's right.]

Masaomi's my soulmate. I can't, and won't ever leave him, Nathan.

[What else can she say? Not too much. She does give Masaomi an apologetic look no matter whether he ends up returning it or not, and she toys with the straw of her drink before taking a sip.

All he had to do was be okay with her mate. Why was it always so hard for him to just accept things as they were?]

[ Masaomi isn't pleased now - he isn't happy to be challenged like this. He wanted to challenged by one of his boys, have some sort of a competition. He'd pictured it in his heads so many times. He didn't think that he would be some pathetic man who wasn't even related to him like this wheezing and using an inhaler to stabilize his breathing. He didn't think that he'd just feel angry in a way which wasn't at all fun.

... Tch ]

Let's have dinner.

[ But he does smack the back of Nathan's head before he sits down next to Nariko. And the waitress brings them all their food then, giving them all weird looks but she leaves it at that once Nathan clarifies that he's okay. ]

[Was that really necessary, come on. But she's not exactly in the position to object or defend so when her salad gets there she's very happy to pick up her fork and eat. As long as Nathan isn't about to lose his insides then she's going to just sit here and douse her croutons in ranch. She's still on the 'not eating healthy for this trip' binge.

Is there anything left to say or are they just going to be awkward for the rest of the night? Masaomi probably doesn't even want to fuck her now, and she can't really blame him for that.]

[ In all honesty, Masaomi did want to fuck her... just not here, not at the table. He didn't want to make things that much worse with Nathan. The fact of the matter is, he needed to touch base with Nariko on how she felt bout him now (alone) and he would then fuck her brains out (alone). The performance had sounded fun, to be vindictive and exciting...

But no.

So instead, it's Nathan of all people who speaks up. At the tail end of their meal, he finally manages to say something. ]

I'm looking forward to your help moving me out.

[ Is that still happening? ... Masaomi leaves that one in Nariko's hands, taking a large bite out of his chicken sandwich then ]

[Despite what just happened Nathan really hadn't so much as attempted to touch her and now she was going to have the sense to avoid any oddly colored pills and anything that might reasonably hide them, too. He wasn't going to be able to move into their direct neighborhood because all of the houses were made for packs, right? And he was still her brother. They could still have a relationship.

It was just obviously going to take some work.]

Right. Don't forget to let her know I'm coming, though.

[This chick is probably going to hate her, isn't she?]

[ Certainly not on the same street. There's a chance Masaomi could find him a deal in the neighborhood. It all depended on his price point and what Nariko said was okay or wasn't okay. But all the same . . . ]

I won't, don't worry.

[ and now it's Masaomi's time to needle because- ]

And try not to kidnap her either, slugger.

[ Nathan ... looks offended by that, but he maybe deserves it (even if he doesn't need to take that from an idiot that Nariko had just admitted had made her do all sorts of things she didn't want to do and in fact hated her life with him other than the kids and the stockholme syndrome (okay no, she didn't say that even he knows it)) ]

Masaomi.

[Come on now. Ugh. Can they go? She really just wants to go. It looks like they still have the best cheesecake here but if she orders it, that'll be another thirty minutes at least, and she loves both of them terribly but right now one of them has to leave her vicinity. And, let's face it, it has to be Nathan.

She's taking the initiative and waving for the bill. ]

Whaaaat. Nathaniel can handle that much if he's bold enough to try to fight me.

[ Nathan tenses a little, and then responds , ] Nariko's not a prize.

[ and Masaomi just smirks at that, and glances over at Nariko again - what, they're leaving? Come on! ]

Right, I'm not a prize but you hated it when I was anything but an innocent little virgin. That's so different.

[Except it really wasn't and if that wasn't clear enough in her overbearingly sarcastic response it was sure in her expression. And yes they are leaving because, wow, it had been bad enough to be rejected on looks and the idea that he was no longer attracted to her, but it was so much worse to be rejected just because Nathan wanted to be a little shit.]

And you [She ends up poking her mate's cheek a bit because ... She had a few drinks there so she might actually be a little tipsy. Not enough that she isn't entirely aware but enough to throw her senses off a bit.] ... Well you would actually fight if it came to that so I don't remember what I was going to complain about!

[They'd both have a lot more fun if she was drunk off her ass.]

Damned right I would. I'd break all of Nathaniel's ribs. [ And he says it so affectionately, in a way which wouldn't seem right to anyone outside of the pack they had been forming for twenty years, or anyone crazy or damaged enough to join it. they weren't perfect, and maybe it's that which so annoyed Nathan. Even if Masaomi did sort of briefly wince at the idea that Nariko isn't a prize. ... but he wraps an arm around her shoulder and feels that her dress is loose. He should pull down more of the zipper.

He doesn't, though. ]

... You two are a good couple.

[ Nathan says that weakly, despite everything he just said. Because in that moment, everything did seem really natural to him in their response. Nariko's words stung a lot, and he didn't know how to handle it. But at the same time... she was happy.

... Why did he rock the boat so much? What has possessed him all of today? Apparently, grief makes you insane. ]

[Grief makes people do a lot which is why Nariko thinks it's better for everyone to go to bed and to get through the will reading tomorrow. A lot of different factors here may have naturally healed by then so when the check comes Nariko impresses upon the waitress the important of hurrying, so there isn't a lot of room for elongated banter. They get out, hail another cab, and are on their way.

She leans her head on Masaomi the whole way, though , closing her eyes. She's not tired so much as flushed and weirdly unresolved.

When they make it up to their floor she squeezes Masaomi's hand,] Would you go in first? I want to talk to my brother for a second.

[ No time for banter, little time for conversation. Who would even make it? Masaomi didn't want to converse any more tonight than to be Nariko's mate, making defensive quips and being possessive of her. Nathan just didn't know what to say. And any attempt he made (all two of them) to start a normal conversation resulted in pretty much nothing. And so by the time they're in the taxi, he just gave a thousand yard stare out the window. When they got to the hotel room...

He was either going to kill himself to sob over the phone to Irina. Whichever seemed easier once he made it inside. It's in this vein he barely notices that Nariko wants to talk to him, so distracted is he. But Masaomi, for his part, just nods and kisses Nariko...

... And smacks her ass. Like he said, possessive.

It's the smack, amusingly enough, which makes Nathan turn back in time to see Masaomi go in but not Nariko ]

Nathan.

[How is she supposed to fit more than twenty minutes of history into a few minutes? They're both tired, grief-stricken, and full of different emotions that only arise when a parent dies, and it sucks. She can't overwhelm him but she can't let him be alone like this, either.

So maybe it's a good thing he's distracted because she leans right up and kisses him.

That's succinct, right?]

[Futurelandia] The Thanksgiving and Early December Post

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Man what a baby

YEP he's lucky that he's loved despite that

you decide if Masomi is back or not to hear this

Mmm. Maybe not just yet though I do kind of want him to overhear

Okay just ping when you think is good

k!

wow I nodded off. But yeah tell me if/when you think is good.

Right about now is good!

Okay this time the drama is mine

Goodness this escalated didn't it

He'll probably be okay in the end

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lmk if you're not cool with easing them forward a little

No it seems like logic to me

cool

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shoves it all into one tag oop

how efficient I like it

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gdit Nathan why are you going to break her heart again. Also I will hit the other two tomorrow