masanari | [Futurelandia] An Eventful Valentines and beyond (happy new year)

Pretty much.

[She's quiet again, but does squint ahead because that has to be the house, right?]

... I'm sorry about how I got over the whole .... y'know.

[The age thing, the 'Audrey inferring things which were never truly said' thing.]

I guess you're right, though.

[ It is, though in the dark it looks like some strange monolith more than it dos their castle with no lights on. ... Other than maybe Octavio's room because he forgot to turn them off.

Still, Sullivan allows her apology there, and now he's at a loss for what to say again. What he said, what he meant at the time... well. ]

Look, it's-- because some people are like that. [ ... Err] And I'm not saying you and I are. But it's because people are like that sometimes that I was worried about you getting too serious with me when you're too young.

[ And it's... ]

And it's more me than you.

[ Is the heart of the thing. His inferiority complex, his concern about being his father's age and if that puts a power dynamic in her head - if she would freeze the moment they got in a real fight. If he was even worthy of her to begin with. There's a lot of things which make the older man hesitate about it all, and sabotaged himself on basically their second date. ]

[Despite her own apology there's a part of Audrey that wasn't to rear back and fight. This time she's able to help herself, maybe because other things have stung far worse tonight, and it's just not worth being so pissy about. But she does really have to listen, take in what he's saying and think before she speaks.]

I guess it's just that I want to see you happy.

[If a misunderstanding is going to be born, maybe it was a good sign that it came from a place of love rather than actual malice or irritation.]

But it's alright, I don't think I'm ... There's no use in being serious about any of it, is there?

[ At that: ] No, of course there is.

[ She just wants to see him happy... He closes his eyes, and he tries hard to understand her perspective. It's not hard to get enough of it that he can infer, that he can guess. After all, it's not like he wasn't young and rebellious once. If anything, she's probably less rebellious in the end. And as they walk across the street and into their house's lawn, making their way to the front door... well. ]

I'm almost washed up here, and I know- I know - forty isn't that old in the grand scheme of things, but it still means I didn't get serious about anything but work for way too long. So if you have something you want to be serious about, you should be. Like Junko's studies, Yamato's tennis thing, or even Veronica having that kid with a little shit like Koji.

[ He... ] They aren't good ideas, or well, not all of them are. But they'd serious because they're regret not being serious later.

[ IS this a contradiction to his earlier hesitation about her? Maybe. ]

Edited 2016-07-08 04:53 (UTC)

[It definitely sounds like a contradiction. You know, in a total contrast? Their lawn is gorgeous and every single year Nariko is sure to make sure the flowers are taken care of, Audrey's always liked that about their place: The uniformity, the attention to detail.]

Why does everyone call Koji a little shit.

[ Though from Sullivan it sounds especially neutral, not the affectionate term that Junko, Yamato, or really anyone else but Sully and Ada might use.]

I guess that's what I can't wrap my head around. How is what I choose to be serious about determined by your lack of faith in yourself? You can't give someone the agency to make a decision and go 'well, no, that's an exception, you don't get to do that'. It kind of defeats the point of the whole deal.

[She isn't mad this time though, she's still way too tired for that.]

[ Hey man, there might be others who have their concerns about Koji. Probably... (Joshua does, at least)

But that said...

Honestly, she has a point. And so he's pausing both of those for a long, long time (or at least the length of time it takes to get the door, break his contact with her to open it, and hold the door open for her) and it's only once they're inside again he turns to her and tries hard to look at her seriously, even taking off his glasses to ask, ]

I cut you off last time. So-- how do you feel about me?

[ And he's dying right here to be this direct. But... She wanted to express something before, and he had his complexes swallow them up. And this isn't the time for it, but it's a time where he's showing he's allowing her agency, if she wants it. And even if she doesn't-- wait, he should say-- ]

But you don't have-- to say it now. Don't worry.

[Frankly, she doesn't want to say it at all, now. It's not the same moment, and she's kind of lost her faith in all of this, though it had been broken ever since she realized that she and Yamato weren't really meant for each other, so - maybe it was just a shitty tape job all along. But the greater and far smarter part of herself knows that this is probably one of the rare instances where Sullivan might actually listen to her.]

The only person I've felt completely safe with was Junko. For being as tiny as she is you'd think I'd be looking after her, but the truth is that she always knows what to do five steps before I've even made it to her level. It's ridiculous.

[When she steps inside Audrey taps her boots on the floor to clear out water, better not to drag it through the house.]

You know, I can't ever really say it to anyone else but I hate having to be a lot of things at once. If anyone asked me what my version of happiness was, it'd be to wake up every day and be whoever that person is and never have to change. If I want to be angry I could be angry, if I don't want to have sex at all I could do that, too. If that's all I want to do, then that's alright, as well.

[This is already a roundabout way to address his question, it's sloppy because she can't help wanting the feeling she'd had during their date, when her feelings weren't weighed down by her own exhaustion and irritation.]

I guess the easiest way of putting it is that I feel like I'm free with you. And, really, that's not even something Masaomi can pull off.

[So it's worthwhile, more than words could ever hope to explain, and it's what defines romantic love for Audrey: The freedom to be what you are and change together, grow together without limitations.]

[ Sullivan wasn't ignorant - he was, after all, more than twice her age. Not only was he not being fair to her with the timing (he sort of ruined the moment this would be right in, and now it's some time when she's otherwise upset) but there's other complications here. Even if she was headstrong and spirited, there's an obvious power dynamic difference just due to their ages. She was in a compromised position because of her reaction to Nathan and to the house back there. They were alone at night, and even that could be said to be a factor.

It's unfair all around.

So the least he can do is try to listen to her, and try to understand her, and try to hold back his own fears about how unfair he was in the first place. That sort of circular thought wouldn't help either of them, even if his brain wasn't quite wired for these sort of interpersonal things... or well, he'd say that. Ironically, Masaomi would actually disagree, not that Sullivan would know it.

So she's asking to not be held to expectations, huh? For whatever else Masaomi did have going for him, he did have expectations that people held themselves to, even if he never listed them off himself. He just have that effect on them. And Sullivan...

Well, he kicks off his feet too, flipping on the foyer lights and then sort of looming there near her. Like he's free with him . . . that's. So flattering, if he's honest. ]

I don't think I'm that good at thinking that far ahead - at least - At least not when it's not something you can work out mathematically. But people aren't tac forms - hell, sometimes tax forms aren't even tax forms because of that. So that's a really amazing skill on her part, and I've admired stuff like that in others too.

[ A beat ] I admired a lot of people, because I just always do that. And I admired you because you did seem so genuine - do seem. So I want to keep seeing you be like that.

I don't think most people are that good at it.

[They're sort of ... Not meant to be, after all. Life's a lot more boring if you can figure out how to make it all work (mostly) in your favor.]

Still, wrapping yourself up in some intricate line of thought isn't going to have an effect on how I deal with my own life, Sully. I'm going to be what I am until I'm something else, and then I'll be that. You should only hang onto something until it's gone.

[This is, perhaps, the fundamental difference between them and while it's something that could be attributed to age Audrey can't help thinking its just their differing personalities. Sullivan is a lot more linear and hard set, relying on things that were uniform. Audrey took a lot more comfort in fluidity. But the ocean needs the moon to control it's ups and downs - she can't have her need for change without an underlying pulse of security.]

I guess that's why I'm not worried about it. Maybe I won't spend the rest of my life with you, but isn't there some worth in however long it goes on?

[ They were a mismatched couple, in far more than one way. Any idiot could look at them and see there's no future there. Hell, there's more potential for a future with her with Tom, or even outside of this pack. But none of that needs to be said, because he can't even assure himself that none of that wasn't his crippling sense of inferiority.

The older man adjusts his glasses, getting them back up on his face.

If he's honest, that thought is scary to him, and that's something he should explain to her someday. But right now, well, he doesn't have that good of an argument to the contrary. And so - ]

Ah- Ah. Well then what if the next - next date I invite you on doesn't have any tagalongs?

[ He can do that much, right? ]

[But does Tom even want an actual future with someone? That's an important question, too! She hasn't thought to ask him lately, they're usually busy doing other things. Still, it's not an explanation she needs. Isn't a lot of this scary? People are scary.

But that's not a goddamn reason to not do stuff. So, yeah, definitely mismatched and whether that's for the better or the worst is what she wants to know, would regret not finding out or seeing with her own eyes. When he mentions a next date it puts a smile on her face, and it's small at first, but it begins to grow almost immediately.]

You know, that might make it even more fun! Maybe. I guess we'll have to try it out and see first.

[So no backing out of it, Sully!]

[ ... This will not end well. Or maybe it will. He's not sure.

Okay, so like, for now... He brushes the side of Audrey's head, pushing back her bangs and then finally making t take off his shoes. As he does, he breaks eye contact, blushing just a bit ]

Yeah it might be pretty... a good idea.

[ A beat ]

So who cooks better of us, we could make our own dinner. Or-- or order in.

[Come on, how is she supposed to help herself! He blushes so easily and she can't help smirking, at least she doesn't tease him and make it worse!]

Delivery, I can cook but I don't want to.

[There's a part of her that's upset they won't be able to have dinner with everyone else but not to such an extent that she'll actually go back.] My vote is for Chinese!

I was going to vote Thai.

[ So... not that different, honesty. Still, either way, let's turn on some lights and head into the kitchen! They can really have their own party! ... Or something.

He misses the whole dinner with everyone thing too. Speaking of, he picks out his phone and makes to send a message to Masaomi and Tom to say they left ]

[It's a little hard to miss someone texting and she seizes up a little, worried.]

Don't tell them the whole story - please.

[Of course it's entirely possible that he only meant to let them know that they were at the house and hadn't been kidnapped or some shit, but just in case. Audrey goes to find where they keep all the take-out menus, grabbing the Thai one and opening it.]

Do you know what the deal is with that guy?

[Nathan, of course.]

[ Hey, they didn't have to have Thai food, they could do Chinese or Japanese... or Vietnamese... Man there's a lot of Asian places around here come to think of it. He'd gotten used to that growing up. Oh well, Sullivan sort of follows behind her before holding out his phone for her to show her the text he sent Masaomi (whose contact in his phone is "Big Masa" don't ask): ]

Audrey and I went home for the night don't wait up for us at dinner.

[ But as for Nathan... He knows a lot of it isn't his place to stay, but... ]

Abusive mom and growing up with Nariko as a sister. [ ... ] Not-- not that Nariko is bad, just that I think the combo didn't help either of them.

Wow, that's gonna make it sound like we ran off to fuck!

[Hardly a negative. Her smile fades a bit though at his very, uh, unfortunate wording.]

I guess that about explains it. [Though she's far more tempted to just say Nathan's a fucking asshole, too.]

[ In all honesty, he doesn't know the guy but he's tempted to be right there with her. He shakes his head and- ] If I'm covering for you there please don't tell Nariko or Masaomi I put my foot in my mouth like that.

[ It's not Nariko's fault Nathan is bad if he even is. More that the two of them would be all over each other in an abusive household, probably codependent in the first place. If you watched Nariko's reactions the handful of times the guy came up...

Well, there's that.

There's also how she was before and after that funeral. He should explain that more? Maybe? He- ]

Plus maybe he's just a jackass.

I'm not sure how I can lie to our Alpha. [She looks up from the menu, though, it's a pointed sort of expression.] But then again he's not generally the type to ask specific enough questions anyway.

[That she cares about Sullivan enough to even try to dodge something with Masaomi at all is monumental. It doesn't matter if it's unflattering wording (which, in truth, she doubts he meant in a super negative way) or a serious offense, when she joined it just seemed right to be completely truthful with him.]

He's either a jackass or he needs therapy, I hear the latter does wonders.

[It's not like she isn't sympathetic, but ... Dude's not won any favors from her, so god help him if Junko ever so much as ends up with a paper cut in Nathan's presence.] Still, I guess it's just a little funny that he popped up out of nowhere. And what's good from here? I've never had Thai.

Him and Nariko had some sort of falling out -- I think, I think. She doesn't actually talk about that sort of thing, but I know that they reconnected at her mother's funeral back in December, so maybe he moved to be closer to her and to us. Nariko did want him to meet everyone today. I shook his hand in the hall before I walked in on you guys.

[ but he knows, Masaomi is not someone you can lie to - he knows he sure can't! But at the same time, he looks at her gratefully and then scoots in closer to her to look down at the menu. He goes to start to point out items - but then he realizes he doesn't actually know, so he should ask, ]

So uh - I know you're pretty good with spice, but do you like Curry? I know it makes Tom gag just from the smell, but I love it and I know other people do.

Mm.

[... No, it's not her business. Nariko could easily be her mother so it isn't Audrey's right to offer advise or give any kind of a warning. It's just that if it was her - well, it's not her and that's the point here. She hums over the list instead and takes the opportunity to lean into him. You're not initiating enough contact, Sullivan, so she'll pick up the slack.]

I've never even seen it outside of movies, so I wouldn't be able to tell you. But, hey, I'm always game for trying new foods!

Oh really? But there's so much good Thai and Indian in town!

[ He's positively aghast at this but... no he just grew up here... he and Tom are one of the only ones of the adults who actually grew up in this city. Still, he shakes his head and, ]

Okay, then let's order some peanut curry - chicken, probably. Then some of the basil fried rice, some chicken skewers... maybe some coconut curry too.

[ He's not though, and he leans in towards her as he looks over the menu. He doesn't want to over order, but he does want to ... well show he things ]

[Audrey grew up here, too, but she had close minded parents who thought that things such as sushi and gyros were adventurous enough. Anything outside of that limited realm probably wasn't going to make it into their house, therefore she never really thought about it before.]

Coconut sounds like it might be better than peanut. [She's not big on peanuts, but even that will get a taste, and basil friend rice sounds weirdly good.] Oh, do they have desserts, too? ... I don't know what any of this is.

[And since he's getting the hint, she takes up the spot along his left side that she likes best.]

Then the coconut's for me, because I love that one. I could have it for breakfast tomorrow or eat it off you. [ . . . Okay that might have been a weird one but he was trying to be bold, sue him. ] Pork, chicken or shrimp with the coconut curry? [ And by coconut he means the yellow curry, which he points out on the menu. Technically green curry also has coconut milk in it as well, which is a little above it on the menu. ]

-- And fair warning the chicken skewers are going to come with a spicy peanut sauce to dip in.

We could get a noodle dish like some Pad Thai too? [ That's sort of actually the iconic Thai dish, now he thinks of it. Might be redundant with the basil rice though...

As for the desserts, if you flip it over they have three or four flavors of coconut milk ice cream, but that's it ]

Mmhm, I want to try it. [If only because it is the iconic 'this is definitely Thai' sort of dish.] I'll sniff the sauce, and make a decision there. Also, I don't care what you eat off of me but you'd better to commit to getting all of it.

[Maybe that sounds a little sexual on her end, but mostly she doesn't want the extra work in the shower. But upon finding the desserts lacking Audrey frowns and pulls out her cell phone.]

That's it, right? I can call it in.

[Not that she's really giving him a choice since the number is already half put into her phone, and she's sliding in a bit, sandwiching herself between the counter and Sullivan's body.

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