Masaomi Kida (
generalflirt) wrote in
masanari2016-01-18 01:36 am
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[Futurelandia] An Eventful Valentines and beyond (happy new year)
[ Nathan moved into tow and that was awkward, Yamato and Nariko probably have some sort of a relationship and that's awkward, Yamato's been trying to make new friends so that's interesting, and Masaomi and Nariko are hopefully solid as anything after that trip, Nathan and Yamato complications aside. There's a new pack member that Masaomi met at a party and Nariko met in class. It's been over a month since the new year began and the old one concluded.
A lot's changed and yet not a lot had at all.
And frankly, things were probably just going to change that much more in the coming days and weeks.this might be edited to something more poetic later once we conclude more stuff about that other log ]
A lot's changed and yet not a lot had at all.
And frankly, things were probably just going to change that much more in the coming days and weeks.
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I don't ... Remember whether I took it willingly or not. I think ... That I did? Just because of what was going on.
[Because if Nathan was distraught, if he was threatening to hurt himself she'd do anything to stop it. She would do anything to take care of him because that was her literal purpose for not offing herself for years.]
And I don't exactly recall a lot of the details either just - numb, unable to move - [Suffocating.] but I do remember ... Touching you. Or reaching out to you or something.
[In other words, according to her fragmented memory there was a point in the process where Nariko regained some control of herself and she was receptive to whatever he was doing. And in a way she already knows the answer because the drug he'd given her left her unable to move. She could make sounds, of course, but talking or lifting her own arms was out of the question. So the after image that's haunted her since December, of trying to pull him into her on a bed doesn't make sense, if she was completely unwilling.
And the thing is, of course, that she was. That she didn't want to be forced but she did want him
So did I? Was there any point where I didn't just lie there?
ps you can call me out on if it should be different.
He...
He can't even begin to process his emotions right now. And so he just answers sincerely, from his own memory. Because the fact of the matter is that... ]
There was and you did.
[ Or was he lying? ]
Nope, that's actually completely correct
... And, what, you thought that must have been the first time that I wanted to?
[The way she says it makes it sound illogical, as if he should have always known her side of things.]
Okay cool
[ Did it matter if he did? If he harbored delusions and fantasies? She had made it clear - very clear - that she didn't want anything to do with him, that she was disgusted with his actions and what he had become. So what if they might have danced around fooling around before then and so what if he might've assumed this and that.
It didn't change facts. ]
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It wasn't right of me to be so critical when I wanted to - when I wanted you, too.
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Nariko...
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[She finally laughs but it's an awful, choked sort of noise because her eyes are welling up.]
I'm sorry.
[Nariko has effectively damaged more than twenty years of his life because she couldn't tell him, because it was wrong until everything that felt wrong was suddenly perfectly acceptable. She had ignored every e-mail and tracked every step of his tour without saying a word, and that was awful of her.]
And now when I'm more awake and push out less garbage...
But then...
Why? They could have - he's not even sure what they could have had, but it didn't have to be this. It didn't- ]
You smell like your son.
[ Was that why it was okay? He was going to let it go, because he would let anything go for her. He was... ]
there was no garbage had also yaayyy at notifs being back
Because I was sucking him off in your kitchen.
[She drops herself onto his couch, leaning back and pushing her fingers through her hair.] That's kind of a thing, too. An entirely separate one, though.
[Her and Nathan had nothing to do with Yamato and her relationship with him. It was true that they were similar, but that spoke more to her type of man than anything else.]
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[ He groans now, more pained and frustrated than anything else (though his scent was still flowing from him) to sit at a chair opposite of her, running his own hands down his face, running over his beard. ]
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[She shakes her head, looking off to the side.] They have an understanding about it, I think. It's fine if they do it but they can't ever be together. Not completely. Besides, Junko has a mate.
[Annnnd so does Yamato but that's beside the point for the next few seconds.]
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[ Why is this completely normal? Why was it so abnormal he had to become a leper for years and years when it came to them.? His voice comes out positively childish now, whining about something he had no control over. but all the same he-
He had suffered. He had tried to change something he genuinely felt, and he had even been rejected in a marriage proposal because of his feelings he had thought were inhumane and perverse, disgusting and had no place in the world. At least their world, and yet here she is, saying it's okay. ]
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Because we weren't raised the way they were, because even if we were able to run off into the sunset together, what do you think that would have meant? Would we have shut out the rest of the world? Had a family?
[Her voice cracks a little at that because that's one fear that she still hasn't been able to shake, despite how rare the issue has become with the greater shift to pack life. What if they had tried, and something went wrong? What if something went wrong with Yamato's child? It didn't matter that half the Lunae pack, the line which produced her father, was inbred - it was still concerning.]
You deserved something better than being stuck with me, and I honest to god thought you would just get over it, Nathan. We were stuck together for so long, you never even had the chance to look at someone else.
[But that'd pretty much blown up in their faces.]
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Or at least he believes that.
Meanwhile, with Nathan, he's left here stunned, not sure how to answer either of those charges - what he intended, or what he thought would happen. Because the fact of the matter is that while he tone suggests that she's meant to be shocked into silence at "had a family," he can't help but want to say "yes." And he frowns, and he shakes his head ]
There never was going to be anyone better for me, Nariko.
[ Which is something he believes ]
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You can't know that when the incredibly fucked up situation that neither of us asked for or deserved is the driving force behind that thought.
[And therein lies another reason: She wasn't going to take advantage of his feelings, knowing they were the result of an incredibly codependent relationship they had both relied on in order to survive. She had meant to be the adult, forcing him to broaden his horizons -- still failed, though.]
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[ . . . But all the same yes that's bore out of circumstances which made them like this and trauma he's pretty much never dealt with in a happy or healthy way. What's therapy? who knows! Nathan sure as fuck doesn't do it. But all the same, the man tries to look at her with earnest eyes, as if he were a step away from telling her to move in here. But he knows she will be mad at him for it.
Still... ]
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[There's Masaomi and Yamato, there's the fact that she isn't ever leaving that house unless Masaomi does - even Yamato is going to one day realize that she isn't meant to leave permanently. But that's a problem which has taken a new shape with her brother.]
I already told you that I can't be without Masaomi, and that hasn't changed.
[So they're back at a familiar impasse: Is he going to insist that she somehow leave the family she's built up for twenty years, or will he learn to adjust the way she had to in October?]
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And yet.
She was happy, but she was also unhappy. She had been and seemed so unhappy there for a spell, even if he had supported Masaomi in the end. He groans, and he runs his hand down his face again, tugging at the beard on the end of it. He really, really needs to shave. ]
Nariko.. [ He whines that out, childishly. ] Don't put words in my mouth, come on.
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And he does need to shave it's a shame to hide his face under all that. Besides, there are only two men with beards she's appreciated and one of them is Joshua. The other one is running a dojo.]
I don't think I put anything in there, you pretty much spouted it yourself.
[So now he has to deal with it, and she's too old to coddle him, so he'll have to eventually get to the root of this.]
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.. Nariko is his sister. Nariko was also his mother. His first love. His most beloved. His idol, his standard. She's so, so many things, and he can't just...
he exhales hard. ]
I wanted to meet your family, and to have a real family... I didn't know what to expect going in, even after meeting that mate of yours, but the whole thing is really different. I don't even know how you adapted. But you did change a lot, so... it's impressive.
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I don't know how I did either, except that I loved everyone involved more than I feared changing, I guess.
[None of it was easy, and she still doesn't know if she's handling everything with Yamato and Masaomi right, but, still.]
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[ If he's honest, he's almost jealous.
He's looking at her now, but he's looking through her a little, trying to see himself. ]
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It's a lot less painful.
[But confusion isn't often painful, so there you go.] It probably wouldn't hurt at all if you would let me love you.
[Man, let's hope she doesn't fuck this up.]
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You don't already, Nariko?
[ Or did love morph int a euphemism somewhere in there. He meant it sincerely. ]
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[More than she could find words to tell him, because he's her brother but he was far more than that, too.]
I love you enough to figure out how to put it all together, even though it will probably be awkward and difficult.
[Especially since Masaomi validly worries about leaving her alone with him. If this becomes a real thing they're definitely going to have to talk about those pills, but that's a little farther ahead.]
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The convention is over plane time today wee
whoo! Hope it was a good trip! Sorry I was late getting back
It was really great honestly and glad to see u back. I might be a little sick? We'll see
oh nooo, take care of yourself. Also Things have gone on so I might be kind of inconsistent ):
I'll be okay but I hope things are okay on your end gosh
nah it's good it's just personal stuff I'm trying to handle I'll be okay with time
Lalala gets to this in the morning
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btw I'm so glad to tag with you again hello
hey there. Sorry I was away so long but I should be more regular now (after I pass out tonight)
rofl to be fair I was going to pass out when I got your first tag and it was like oh shit.
oh noo haha, it's like 5 am for me so it has to be awful for you we both need sleep
We do but I'm so excited to tag you again (and it'a okay btw everyone needs to sometimes be mia)
I am too and yeah I guess but also, still, thanks for being supportive
Hey of course!! I mean I think we can afford to be at this point in small ways at least
Mm yeah but it's appreciated either way so you're a+ accept this fact, friend
Haha thank you though
Np
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thank you! also that seems like a perfect end for midlandia tbh
I agree that's what I was going for there anyway
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I like how you reply just as a code push is happening rofl
my timing is just the best ... as always .....
Hey, it's cool I'm just as ever excited to get tags from you!!
you are the nicest person ever I swear
Well you're one of my favorite thread partner people and I love this world we have
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sigh an hour later sob
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